YESTERDAY, I took a trip to the barber. I love going to the barber. As you’ve probably guessed from my previous posts, vanity is my forte. Therefore, I love entering the hairdressers fuzzy and unkempt, like an overgrown bush, and departing looking slick and sharp and walking on air. Yes there’s no-one I respect more than a good barber.
On the other hand there’s no-one I fear more than a bad barber. When you step in that chair, you’re at the mercy of a man with a selection of very sharp instruments…
What about the dentist? You ask. Well, I admit they are also terrifying. But you are more likely to meet a barber than a dentist. You only visit the dentist once a year if you are good, or every six months if you are very good. Anyway, with the shortage on the NHS, and the extortionate fees charged by those in the private sector, many people in this country haven’t had an oral check up since the 1980s!
However, unless you’re an aging Terry Nutkins, or a angst ridden 15 year old EMO, most people go to the barbers at least one a month. Therefore, I reckon that statistically, you’re more likely to be meet your maker after taking your turn in the swiveling seat, rather than the reclining chair.
Even if you put up a fight, and escape with a few cuts and bruises, and both ears and your neck still intact, it’s likely they’ve taken a cheeky swipe out of your barnet. Despite being unharmed, your ego will have been cut to shreds, and that’s worse than death...
Furthermore, the sneakiest of assassins will engage in polite talk with you, whilst carving an obscenity on the back of your neck. You’ll only realise when you get home and by then it’s too late…
MUM: “Don’t tell me that’s fashionable these days?”
YOU: “Oh no! No wonder strangers were walking up behind me and kicking me on the way home!”
Thank goodness my barber was of the first kind. Sadly, yesterday was my last trip to Errol’s as I am leaving
Errol is great. He is swift, friendly and hooks up a fade with precision. Despite being the sole member of staff, people are happy to wait as he lets them watch DVDs and martial arts videos. The price is reasonable, and the chat is intellectual…
“Da parents, dem no discipline the kids. Dat’s wha’ gwaan wrong wit society dese days,” he laments.
I nod in agreement - although not too avidly or I could end up missing an eyebrow.
Yes, Errol is a legend. He even has a claim to fame: He travelled the
Therefore, Errol is officially my favourite ever hairdresser. Here’s the others who make it into the runners up places…
- Dan – He’s cut my hair more times than anyone, and kept me entertained with jokes about Eddie Murphy, Luther Vandross, and Fresh Prince of Bel-air.
- Gemma et al – Manicured my afro for free at the Vidal Sassoon salon. Applied funky colours as I strutted my stuff on the catwalk.
Finally, here’s an unconventional barber from
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