Thursday 18 December 2008

"Hallelujah" for Saturday night TV?




FORGET the G&T, make a cup of tea, swap your Carlsberg for a cardigan, party choons make party goons, don't be a Red Bull glutton, just push that red button.

Yes, staying in is the new going out and with temperatures plummeting and the credit crunch tightening its jaws Saturday night television is booming.

A few months ago I would have rather walked over hot coles (I mean coals) but due to lack of money, lack of energy and general winter blues I popped over to a friend's house to settle down with a stack of blankets,a glass of red wine and a mammoth cheese platter to watch ITV's X-Factor final.

The show, which was avidly watched by more than 13.2m viewers, climaxed in an epic duel between London-based boy-band JLS and 20-year-old crooner Alexandra Burke from Islingston.

Both acts performed covers of the Leonard Cohen's single "Hallelujah", a classic, heart rending tune, also imortalised by the revered folk singer Jeff Buckley. Alexandra was victorious.

But although I got home relatively sober without having to pay through the nose for over priced drinks, costly cabs and crap Chinese takeaways, I still felt as if I'd been ripped off...

Ripped off! Well imagine how poor old Leonard felt? I'm sure the American idol (no pun intended) would have felt shocked that he spent hours slaving over tear jerking chords and deep religious lyrics, only to hear his work belted out by an emotionally incontinent R'n'B diva all these years later.

To be fair, Burke has a great voice, and judging on the success of the Buckley version, covers aren't always a no-no. But if the judges and programmers knew anything remotely about music they would have steered clear of using such an iconic track to round off a tacky talent show.


Here's a couple of comparisons:

- If Alexandra Burke's cover of "Hallelujah was a film, it would never have been released in the UK.


- If Alexandra Burke's cover of "Hallelujah" was a video game, middle class parents would be lobbying for it to be banned - screaming that it would ruin the lives of their already retarded children.


- If "Hallelujah" was a third-world country and Alexandra Burke was a crack-pot dictator, the free world would be calling for pre-emptive air-strikes and mobilising tanks on the borders at dawn.

Saturday 13 December 2008

Lay off 'Ebooe'

FOOTBALL fans are becoming as misguided as the over-paid players they idolise - or not in the case of Emmanuel Eboue.

Arsenal FC supporters unsportingly heckled and booed the defender after he made a catalogue of errors in their 1-0 win against Wigan Athletic last Saturday.

In the game’s final frantic minutes, the 25-year-old, who had come on as a substitute for injured winger Samir Nasri, foolishly blocked his own player, gifting his northern opponents a glorious chance to equalise.


As a barrage of abuse rang out from the 60,000-seater Emirates Stadium, manager Arsene Wenger hauled Eboue off the field to be replaced by Michael Silvestre.


Those fans should hang their heads in shame although Arsenal have been crap this season, booing your team is disgraceful –especially when they are leading (for a change).


Yet it seems to be coming all too common these days, as the spiralling costs of tickets, wages and transfers leads to a clamour for success. In the 1980s, footie fanatics were notorious for sinking pints of lager, bellowing abuse, and punching people in the face. But at least they backed their own teams.


Ok, players who are paid sky high wages and fail to perform should expect stick, but at the end of the day, it’s just a game, and games are all about sportsmanship and camaraderie.

After the match, Wenger had said of the right-back (yes right-back Arsene), who had just returned from a six week injury: “He has to come off as he had lost a lot of confidence - he would have been even more unhappy had he stayed on, given the ball away and cost us a goal."


Well, let’s talk about “confidence” shall we? Eboue came out of nowhere in 2006, a flying wing-back renown for speed, stamina and tough tackling.


True, he’s a fine athlete but his passing is not great, he can’t cross for shit and his shooting is erratic - hence he's only scored one measly Premiership goal.

Why then does Wenger insist on playing him on the wing, or in the centre of the park?
How “confident” is anyone going to be if they are placed in a position which exposes their weaknesses rather than their strengths?

Eboue is an unfair scapegoat. The team need an effective midfielder. Maybe his boss should think about hiring reinforcements, before he himself is booed from the stands – although I would find that deplorable.

Sunday 7 December 2008

Great Scott!



ALISTAIR Darling took
Britain ‘Back to the Future’ when he promised to kick-start the country’s ailing economy.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer announced plans for a £20bn rescue package in his Pre-budget report last Monday in the wake of the global financial crisis.

Yet Doc Darling and the Treasury Office, featuring Michael J Fox look-a-like Yvette Cooper, are taking a huge gamble in their bid to spend their way out of recession.

The deal, which is more akin to strategies of 1970s socialist governments rather than New Labour economics, includes slashing VAT from 17.5% to 15%, and bringing forward £3bn of public construction projects.

Yet it all rests on the optimistic assumption the economy will pick up by 2011, just in time for a 0.5% rise in national insurance and a hike in taxes to replenish the kitty.



But what if the recession continues? Higher unemployment means more benefits payouts and the hidden tax bombshell is hardly an incentive to get back to work. Let’s not forget that year upon year the aging population puts a greater strain on public services, something politicians need to budget for.

Part of the reason we're in this mess is because banks offered mortgage deals to people who couldn't actually afford houses, who in turn purchased expensive holidays and oversized 4x4s on cheap credit.

Is it really wise to for the government to follow suit and splash cash it doesn't have?

Whilst Labour deserves respect for their decisiveness and for brightening up the bland political consensus of recent years, there is an uneasy feeling that history may repeat itself.

In 1976, the then Chancellor Denis Healey went cap in hand to the International Monetary Fund (IMF) because Britain’s economy was, well - fucked. Let us pray the current man in charge of the purse-strings, with equally obscure eyebrows does not have to follow in his footsteps...